Man caught "pregaming" his wife's dinners by mother-in-law praised online (2024)

A man caught by his mother-in-law eating fast food on the sly prior to homecooked meal prepared by his wife has been backed online.

In his post to the Am I the A******? (AITA) subreddit, user u/Acceptable_Love_6237 said his wife had been cooking his dinners since they moved in together five months ago. However, her meals are very small, and as the poster is a "230-pound man who works a physical labor job," he can't live off her portion sizes.

"It became hard to sleep at night due to hunger and I lost seven pounds in the first month," he wrote, under the title "AITA for 'pregaming' my wife's dinners?"

But when Acceptable_Love_6237 tried to talk to his wife about the issue, she reacted "horribly."

"She would adopt a thousand-yard stare, and then begin talking about how incompetent she is and how she can't even make her husband a proper dinner," the 32-year-old said.

"I'd try to be overwhelmingly positive. It never helped. She would always just get incredibly disappointed in herself, cry, and/or take it out on me."

The next day, his wife would act like the conversation never happened and continue to make the same minuscule portions. He tried to cook himself additional food, but his wife wouldn't allow it. So, the poster began visiting fast food restaurants after work and disposing of the wrappers in secret.

"I would basically pregame her meals with some more calories," he said. "I figured it was win-win, as what she doesn't know can't hurt her, and I could have my fill of food."

His plan seemed to work until his mother-in-law caught him leaving the fast food place one evening.

"I asked her in a humorous way not to tell her daughter where she saw me because she'd take it badly, and she agreed, but then she narced on me anyway," he said.

"I got home to a furious wife who demanded details. I'm not good at handling confrontation and feel like I betrayed my wife in some way. Was I wrong here?"

Reddit users supported Acceptable_Love_6237, voting him "NTA" (Not the A******). However, they also warned him that his wife appeared to be emotionally abusing him.

According to Marni Goldman, certified life coach and the author of True to Myself: Peace, Love, Marni, emotional abuse can be subtle and difficult to recognize.

"There is a treacherous need to control every facet of your life, wanting to always know who you are with, and what you are doing," she told Newsweek.

This includes gaslighting, where the abuser makes their victim question their sanity through manipulative tactics, and giving them "the silent treatment" when they don't conform to the abuser's ideals.

"When you feel like you're 'walking on eggshells' because you don't know what kind of mood they will be in, everything around you becomes unpredictable and toxic," Goldman said.

Learning to recognize emotional abuse is the first step to taking your power back.

"Talk to someone you trust, such as a close friend, or family member," Goldman said. "Sharing your experience will help you navigate the situation and validate there's nothing wrong with you."

Fellow Redditors were shocked by Acceptable_Love_6237's story, with the post receiving over 22,000 upvotes and more than 6,000 comments.

"Attempting to starve someone is abuse," said ShiggnessKhan.

"The 'tearing yourself down' like the wife is doing is a manipulation tactic abusive people use in order to shift blame and get their way, which is working here," wrote Huge_Inflation_9663.

"It is absolutely abuse, and people would probably be quicker to call it out if the genders were reversed," commented Unquietdodo. "Imagine if a man wouldn't let a women out alone in case she ate more than he wanted her to?!"

"As soon as you find yourself hiding and feeling shame for something as simple as eating food, it's time to reconsider your relationship," advised Interesting-Host6030.

"I had a narcissistic family member [and] she did exactly what OP's wife is doing—twisted any concern or discussion, so she is in a center of it and she looks like a victim of it," said Puzzleheaded-Cat6130.

"Now that they're married she's, like, 'Yes! I can change him into the man I want him to be!!' She was probably thrilled when he lost the 7 lbs," wrote ASweetTweetRose.

"It might not even be about making him lose weight, it could just be a control for the sake of control," commented danamo219.

Newsweek reached out to Acceptable_Love_6237 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.

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