So I am (23f) getting married in a few months. And I have few significantly older siblings 34f 36m 38m 38m. All of them are now married and since i was a teen when they got married and they had a child free wedding, I was not invited to any of their weddings. my oldest sibling first had a child free wedding and then the others decided to follow. When my oldest brother got married I was 10, so sure I kind of getting not inviting me. But i was still extremely upset, my oldest brother got married to a woman I really love and I can't even witness it? The other brother got married when I was 12, so again sure get not inviting a 12 year old, but I was very well behaved child and again his sibling. My sister got married when I was 15, at first she didn't want a child-free wedding, but all of the family members convinced her because "omg it's so refreshing to be in a wedding where children don't bring havoc" so she decided for a cut of to be 16... And when I asked can I be a one exception since I'm 15 and your sister... she said no with a very serious tone "if we make an exception for you, what about other children?" "It's not fair" I got upset and screamed that what is not fair, is not participating in any of my siblings weddings. my parents got upset with me and grounded. And lastly my brother got married when I was 17. At that point i didn't care, I knew there was going to be child free wedding, and that once again I'm not invited. I didn't ask, beg. My step cousin who just turned 18 just made the cut and I didn't. Well as I said I didn't care. Sent a quick "congrats" and that's it. My parents got furious on why I didn't even congratulated them, I just ignored them and spent all the time in my room with my now soon to be husband. Since I'm getting married I decided none of them are going to be there, since I wasn't allowed to be there too. When they didn't get the invitations they all came to my house and demanded to know why didn't they get one. I simply explained "you didn't want me in your wedding I don't want you in mine." I explained how hurt I was that I was not able to see any of my siblings get married and they should experience the same. They said that the weddings had alcohol so they didn't want any young impressionable kids there. And I said all I wanted was to be included in the wedding part, I didn't care about the after party. Mom then started screaming again about how unfair I am and how she wants all of her kids to be together on that beautiful day...ironic. But I am not backing down, I firmly believe in not inviting them. AITA?"AITA for not inviting any if my siblings to my wedding?"
Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this family wedding drama...
Dry_Sandwich_860 said:
NTA. It was cruel that they excluded you. Their comments about alcohol are ridiculous. It's not hard to keep alcohol away from children at events. They're making excuses.
It's fair enough to have a child-free wedding. It's not only that young children may disrupt the event; it's also about cost. Including children can mean having to hire a larger (more expensive) venue and providing a lot more food--and catering is expensive. I have never heard of anyone excluding a close member of the family though! You were a sibling, not some high school friend's kid.
It was a big deal that you were excluded, it was inappropriate and weird, and it's understandable that the result is you don't feel close to your siblings. Let your mother screech. It's not her wedding.
You don't have to listen to her. Tell her she has communicated how she feels and the decision has been made. Then put the phone down or leave the room. If she wanted her kids to be together, she had plenty of opportunities to make sure you were included and chose not to!
Lucallia said:
NTA. Hell uninvite your whole family your parents aren't innocent in this.
SadFlatworm1436 said:
NTA …that hurt stays, you were not a child at either 15 or 17, those were especially ahole ages to leave you out and worse to include your cousin. Your mom is the worst though.
Do they drink wine or beer at home? Same ‘risk’ of exposure. I love your energy...it’s a no siblings over 33 rule!
Hot_Relationship7161 said:
NTA seems pretty cut and dry to me, they didn't invite you and don't invite them, they brought that upon themselves,and making the cut-off 16 and not Inviting you at 15 was just a d$k move. Hope you have a Wonderful Wedding.
shelovescompletely said:
NTA - your wedding. You get to decide the guest list. They didn’t care about your feelings when they planned theirs so it’s alright that you only worry about yours when you plan your own.
I would just caution that you’re doing it because you don’t want them there or they there really isn’t a relationship there, rather than out of spite. If it’s out of spite, it could come back to bite you if you regret it later.
Note to any family members who are salty that they're not invited to a wedding...
Don't exclude your teen siblings from your "child-free" events. Was there really a risk of a teenager throwing a temper tantrum during the ceremony or starting a food fight at table 9?
UPDATE:
We talked the day after I made the post. I said that the only way I'm going to invite them if they explain absolutely everything. otherwise no invitation.
after some weird looks and silence the truth came out. I am their cousin. My father's brother was raising me alone and died so i was raised by my uncle. they do not know who my mother is.
I was young, required a lot of attention, wasn't their sibling, so they kind of distanced themselves from me. my brother said that even hated me sometimes. my parents sat there ashamed for never telling me. my cousin just looked awkward. i just left.
We eloped!!! So after all the drama we talked and realized we were doing the whole wedding thing because we thought the other wanted it. We were not against the idea of flashy wedding, but calm day with just closest people was closest to our hearts.
So we did that, just us and some of our friends. We are keeping the money for our dream country to visit. My parents had the audacity get angry that there was no celebration but i don't care to be honest, it was a day for us.
that's it, i hope the update was not disappointing. special thanks for everyone writing me messages telling us that we were too immature to get married!
Here's what top commenters had to say about the update:
Outrageous-Friend298 said:
Your "family" seems toxic, i mean yeah you really not their sibling or children but you are their family...And wth with childfree wedding? It is easy to just make exception for a family, they just being AH...
I hope you happy, btw i guess now you need to call your "mother," "father," "brother," "sister", to "aunt, uncle, cousin" they literally don't think you are their family , they think you are just annoying responsibility. Or just NC with them...because they are really toxic.
d_ofu said:
That was a real twist. Congratulations on getting married though! I hope you both have a happy life with each other!
Misfortune_angel said:
Congratulations and I hope you and your partner can soon visit your dream country. And you should cut contracts with your so-called family since they sound so toxic.
They certainly wanted to be at the wedding only because people were going to ask about it and ruin their image. And I hope one day you can find happiness and be away from toxic behavior.
Thevampiremona said:
Firstly, congratulations! Your “family” do not seem like nice people, they took you on just to exclude you, a small child who had just lost their only parent.
As for your siblings/cousins, your parentage shouldn’t be an excuse, you stated that they invited other cousins to their weddings and as for your parents, they should be ashamed in themselves for allowing their bio children to treat you so harshly.
How rude and entitled of them all to exclude you because you’re not their “sibling” but then kick up a fuss when you don’t invite them…. So it seems you’re only their sibling on their terms? Good riddance to them, enjoy your life!
