Man Praised for Taking Back Payment for Daughter's Wedding (2024)

Commenters praised a man for taking back the deposit for his daughter's wedding after he was told he couldn't walk her down the aisle.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/CultureFantastic4947, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 14,000 upvotes and 1,800 comments. The post can be found here.

Wedding Costs

Data collected by The Knot found that the average wedding in 2021 cost $28,000, not including the price of the engagement ring.

Traditionally, the bride and family are responsible for paying for the service and reception. However, experts recommend that couples discuss the finances before even planning the wedding to ensure everyone is clear on their responsibilities.

Man Praised for Taking Back Payment for Daughter's Wedding (1)

Experts also say that couples should come up with a budget plan so they do not have to rely on family members for help.

'Am I The A**hole?'

In the post titled "AITA for cutting off support to my daughter?" the 52-year-old man said he has three children with his ex-wife Tracy: Michael, 28, Linda, 25, and Victoria, 23.

The man said he and Tracy divorced after she had an affair with Stan, her now-husband.

"We never shared with the kids the reason for the divorce as I didn't want them to blame either of us," the post read. "This backfired as the kids saw their mom move out of the house, into a small apartment, and me keep living in the house and remarry two years after the divorce. So they saw me as the bad guy."

According to the man, Tracy and Stan were not strict on the kids so he had to step in as the "disciplinarian" to make sure school work was done and appointments were made.

After his son Michael found out that Tracy did not put money away for his college, which was outlined in the divorce agreement, she told him to take out student loans.

Then Linda realized her bad grades were going to keep her from getting into her desired program at school.

'A Suprise'

"My two oldest eventually came to realize that I was not the bad guy," the post read. "My youngest never came around. So it was a surprise when her boyfriend asked for my blessing to ask for her hand. When I expressed that I didn't think she'd care about my blessing he said she insisted on it."

The man said his youngest, Victoria, began spending more time with him and his wife and said it "felt wonderful" to be together.

"I went with them to book the venue, and they'll be getting married next summer," the post read. "I paid the deposit and the first installment."

But after making the payment, the man said he noticed Victoria becoming less communicative and ignoring his texts or not coming over.

'Daddy's Girl'

Recently, the man's son sent him an Instagram post of Victoria at her engagement party that he was not invited to.

"One of the photos was her with Stan and it read, 'anyone can be a father. It takes a real man to be a Dad. This amazing guy has been my dad for 15 years even though he didn't have to be. I am so blessed to have him walk me down the aisle next year! #daddysgirl #futuremrsx," the post read.

When he asked Tracy why he was not invited, she said that Victoria didn't want his wife there because it should be a "drama free day," although he said his wife has never started drama.

He then asked if Stan would be walking Victoria down the aisle, and although Tracy didn't respond, Victoria called him and demanded to know what his "problem was."

"I repeated my question and she replied that no, Stan, her dad, would be walking her down the aisle," the post read. "I told her that if that's what she wanted I would be fine with it. I told her to let Stan know the next payment for the wedding is due in November."

He said he is aware that Stan and Tracy cannot afford this wedding and both think he is being an a**hole. His daughter Linda said if he takes back the money, Victoria will never speak to him again, but his son is defending him.

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Redditor Reactions

More than 1,400 users commented on the post, many supporting the man's decision to take back the money for the wedding.

"NTA. If you aren't her Dad in her eyes then why would you pay for the wedding," one user said. "And here is a novel idea...the bride and groom can pay for the wedding instead of the parents!!!"

"NTA. Maybe it's time you told your kids the real reason behind the divorce," another said.

"You aren't cutting off support, you're declining to pay for the remainder of the wedding expenses when you are going to be disrespected at the event," another said. "It's pretty obvious that Victoria cozied up to you for a while (and even had her boyfriend ask for your blessing) to sucker you into paying for everything."

"The truth about your divorce was ugly and unflattering to Tracy, so you apparently agreed to hide it forever, OP...not just till the kids were grown, but forever," another said. "That decision has bitten you in the butt and cost you your relationship with at least one of your adult kids."

Newsweek reached out to u/CultureFantastic4947 for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a bride was slammed for not inviting her brother-in-law's "needy" fiancée to her wedding. Another bride was criticized for uninviting a friend from her wedding who recently lost their arm in a car accident.

But users backed one bride for not inviting her stepsisters to her wedding after claiming they "aren't family."

Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

Uncommon Knowledge

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.

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Man Praised for Taking Back Payment for Daughter's Wedding (2024)


Am I obligated to pay for my daughter's wedding? ›

No rule obligates the parents to pay. Couples who still live with their parents may not feel happy receiving such a high amount.

How much should you pay for your daughter's wedding? ›

In other words, gifts can be $68,000 per parent couple, or up to $136,000 if both sets of parents gift to each child. That's enough to pay for the average wedding, even in in New York City. If the wedding is going to cost even more, O'Leary recommends the gift money be spread over more than a year.

Should parents pay for a wedding? ›

When it comes to paying for the wedding, there are differing views. While traditionally, the bride's parents were responsible for hosting (and paying for) the entire celebration, today, many couples join both sets of parents in contributing.

Why is it tradition for the father to pay for the wedding? ›

“It's harder to think about this now, and I am a feminist, but historically it has to do with the ancient practice of a bride's family giving a dowry to the groom's for assuming the 'burden' of a bride,” Post says.

At what age do parents not pay for a wedding? ›

So based on this data, it seems like once couples hit their late 30s or early 40s, parents pay for a smaller portion of the wedding, or don't contribute at all. In short, there is no age limit or exact etiquette for when parents do not pay for their children's wedding costs, says Tonya Hoopes, owner of Hoopes Events.

Are parents still expected to pay for wedding? ›

A: While it was traditionally expected for parents to pay for weddings, societal norms have evolved, and financial responsibility is often shared among the couple and their families.

What parents usually pay for in a wedding? ›

According to traditional etiquette, the groom's family is responsible for paying for the bride's rings, the groom's and groomsmen's attire, the rehearsal dinner, gifts for the groomsmen, some personal flowers, the officiant's fee, the marriage license fee, certain aspects of transportation, and the honeymoon.

Do parents give their daughter a wedding gift? ›

While it is traditional (although not obligatory) for the mother and father of the bride to receive a thank you gift from the newlyweds on the big day, a little memento from the bride's parents to their daughter is also becoming more popular.

What does mother of bride pay for? ›

Not only does the bride's family pay for the wedding day outfit and accessories (veil, shoes, jewelry and more), but they're also responsible for the bride's wardrobe for all of the pre-wedding events (the shower, bach party, rehearsal dinner and honeymoon).

Why do parents pay for daughter's wedding? ›

If you are following the rules of tradition, the bride's family is expected to bear the brunt of the expenses including the wedding dress, bridesmaids' gifts, the wedding planner or coordinator, the invitations, the flowers, the reception, photography, the groom's wedding ring, music, any pre-wedding day meals for the ...

Do most parents pay for their kids weddings? ›

While it was once customary for the bride's family to pick the wedding tab, times have certainly changed. These days, parents, on average, cover 51 percent of the budget while couples take on the remaining 49 percent, according to a recent report from The Knot.

How much money should groom's parents give? ›

It used to be that the role of the bridegroom's parents was restricted to hosting the rehearsal dinner and leading him down the aisle, but that is no longer the case. In a recent poll by wedding enthusiasts, the Groom's parents cover up to 24% of the wedding costs.

Does the father of the bride pay for everything? ›

Traditionally, the father of the bride is financially responsible for the wedding. Nowadays, that's not always the case, and that's okay. Sometimes the bride and groom will contribute, as well the parents of the groom. Even if you're not paying for the wedding, offer to help deliver payments to the vendors.

Who pays for the brides' dress? ›

Who traditionally pays for the wedding dress? One of the most closely stuck-to traditions is that the bride's family will pay for the wedding dress. This also includes any accessories the bride may wear, such as a veil, a bag and shoes. For modern weddings, the bride may want to pay for her own dress.

What are the parents responsibilities for the daughter's wedding? ›

Traditionally, the bride's parents pay for the wedding ceremony and reception which is why they take on the role of host/hostess. This responsibility includes determining the final guest count, making guests feel welcomed and seeing that everything goes smoothly. Oversee the closing of the reception.

Should the father of the bride pay for the wedding? ›

Traditionally, it is the responsibility of the bride's family – specifically, her mother and father – to pay for most of the wedding. It's not clear exactly how this tradition started, but it's thought to have evolved from the practice of the bride's family paying a dowry to the husband.

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